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As kids go back to school, they’ll reconnect with other kids and learn how to emotionally interpret the world through those young and inexperienced guides. It’s like the blind leading the blind.
As a parent, you need to make sure you’re fulfilling that role at home. We parents can struggle to interact with our kids as we adult — the work stuff, the social stuff, and the trauma we all feel can distract from our duties.
Don’t worry. There’s a cheat code.
Movies present opportunities to connect, if you’re present. That means no headphones. No phone games. In fact, no phone at all. Treat family film night at home like a movie theater.
Earlier this year, I featured a quote from Martin Scorsese that talks about the power of sharing films with family.
“I realize now that the warmth of that connection with my family and with the images on the screen gave me something very precious. We were experiencing something fundamental together. We were living through the emotional truths on the screen…These were things that we normally couldn’t discuss or wouldn’t discuss or even acknowledge in our lives.”
That truth is just as real today. Family film night is an opportunity to connect. You need to remember that little being next to you isn’t just a goofball giggling along to Dog Man chasing a squirrel while you scroll through Instagram videos of women frying chunks of meat in vats of oil.
That little being is on a journey — and you’re either with them or you’re not. Physical proximity doesn’t matter. It’s the shared experience that teaches them how to navigate emotions.
Plutchik’s Wheel of Emotions (pictured below) features eight primary emotions: anger, anticipation, joy, trust, fear, surprise, sadness and disgust.
Each emotion has a polar opposite that sits across the wheel:
- Joy is the opposite of Sadness.
- Fear is the opposite of Anger.
- Anticipation is the opposite of Surprise.
- Trust is the opposite of Disgust.
The ebb and flow of a good movie will push your child across the wheel. It’s your job to guide them and keep them balanced. How? By being present.
All emotions serve a purpose. They need to know how to navigate each one. You show them by being into a movie. Committing to the moment. That commitment shows up in small ways:
You laugh. You jump. You squeeze a hand. You snuggle. You recoil saying, “Gross.” It’s all being absorbed.
You’re teaching. They’re learning. You’re setting a strong foundation of emotional stability. They’ll take that to school. They can build off what you’ve silently taught them from the couch — and use those emotional skills around their peers.
And, if you look closely at Plutchik’s wheel, you’ll notice that when primary emotions are combined, they become more complex and powerful emotions. The one that catches my eye?
Joy + Trust = Love.
Be a good parent. Sit on the couch. Turn off your phone. Connect. Teach.
Because, in the end, showing up is not enough. Attention matters more than proximity. And the attention you offer at home is what gives them the confidence to handle the world out there.
Brendan
